We've done it again....

We've opened the doors to Hospice Dew again! I got an email last week that one of the English Mastiffs we had in rescue was been diagnosed with severe spondylosis and the vet was unsure of how long she would have a good quality of life. Lindsay, knowing I am a SUCKER for these situations, emailed me asking if we would consider taking her. I of course, sent the note to Brian, who to my surprise, agreed!

So, Lily Dew arrived on Sunday. She is adorable. She was terrified when she arrived, but is making huge strides already. I am her new BFF and she is getting used to Brian. She isn't too sure of men so they are slowly becoming better friends.

Thanks Babycakes for supporting my passion. I love you.

Munger Xmas 2010

Is it really over?

I said that a few times today as we took down our tree (a week earlier than usual) to prepare for the new couch and our New Year's Eve party. Don't worry tho, Brian left the tree in the stand, outside our bay window...adding a little green to our front yard!


Christmas was awesome this year. We went to church with the family in Colorado Springs, followed by a fun neighborhood dinner at Nik's house. Kids were running everywhere and tracking Santa on the computer. Adults were drinking their merriments. We were able to see life come full circle by celebrating both Xmas Eve and Xmas with the Mulloys. It is so fun to watch their kids grow, and I am still laughing at how 2 yr old Keegan, who was siting in front of us at church, without warning turned and hurled his candle at my head...flying past me and hitting the man behind me.




Connor Mulloy- the happiest baby on earth


Our door flung open and the light was flipped on at 7am on the dot. Uncle Brian was a bit startled and shouted a not-so-nice swear word at the top of his lungs that kept the family laughing all day. We were spoiled...Bri spoiled me with a diamond ring, Coach purse and a TomTom. Mom and Dad added to our "baby fund", and the Zemans got me great jewelry and a nice little docking station for my ipod that is a great addition to the new home office. The boys were thrilled with their gifts. Hercie the Labradoodle even got Charlotte the hamster a box filled with mouse traps...good bit Mike, good bit.

Jack, kissing his new Xbox

As we were about to gather the entire crew to say Grace before dinner, Julie who lost her Dad a few months ago, walked up to Nik and I and whispered "Be thankful your Dad is here with you!". It was all I could do not to burst into tears. I made sure to hug my Dad extra long as we said goodbye last night. Moments like that are the true meaning to Christmas.

Ps- Thanks to my incredible hubby for being so supportive....he will know what I mean. You are and always will be my rock.

It is really Christmas?

To say our work has been stressful and crazy is an understatement. Other than our tree, we've barely recognized this time of the year.

We are going to go on a little date night tonight and than head to my sister's tomorrow for church and family dinner. After a early wake from the boys, we will open gifts and than host a big family dinner. I am sure we will be spoiled rotten, as usual!

This year is little bitter sweet..it was this time last year that we learned we were expecting a baby. I remember one of the main topics of conversation last year was how excited everyone was for Baby Dew's first Christmas in 2010. It's disappointing to know we are approaching our 3rd xmas without a baby.

Maybe 2011 will be the year? In fact, I know it will be....Bri tells me so all the time.

BDew 2010 Family Photo

The Mungers and The Judds

On Tuesday, Nik and I took Mom and Aunt Denise to see The Judds. A few months ago, they were on Oprah and Nik suggested we buy them tickets for their birthdays. Great idea, Nik! We had a great time. Wynonna can sing like no other- it was pretty amazing. Plus, she's really funny.

They played at The World Arena in Colorado Springs. Before the concert started, we walked around until we found the tile my parents bought when the arena was being built. As I was looking at the 4 names of our family, I couldn't help but think it looked "weird"...our family looked so small...there so many names missing...Mike, Brian, Jack and Cooper. But it was pretty cool to be reminded of where we started.

Love and Other Drugs

We declared Friday night Dinner and Movie date night. I got to pick. I picked:

Now, the reason I picked this movie is because all of the movie posters I saw weren't like the one I just posted on this blog...They were a sweet looking Anne Hathaway...she made me think we were in for a chic flick.

Before we left for the theatre, I posted on FB. I quickly got this reply:

"I heard it's like porn!"

Made me spit out my mouthful of water. I posted back "Are you sure we are talking about the same movie? If so, Bri's night just got a lot better!"

The movie was not all what I expected....it was a love story (with a lot of S-E-X), but it also hit home like a ton of bricks because Anne Hathaway's character has Parkinsons.

There is a scene in the movie where they attend a support group for Parkinsons- it was all I could do to stifle my sobs. It was real people with real Parkinsons, and how it affects family members. It made me sad for my Dad, it made me so sad for my Mom.

I get so caught up in life, I often push Parkinsons away into the depths of my brain. Friday night, however, it hit me like a 10 ton brick.

I highly recommend this movie! Bring tissues!

4 Years

4 years ago I met Brian for lunch at Rock Bottom Brewery, never thinking that a Match.com date would turn into the greatest love ever!

Saturday Holiday Fun

Saturday was a good day...

Breakfast date at Little Anita's, followed by Christmas tree shopping.

Reason #976 why I love my husband...he researched which type of tree we should buy. After his research, it was concluded that the Frasier Fur is the most hearty tree and lasts the longest. There was a small selection at Home Depot, but we found the perfect one!

We got home, turned on xmas music and decorated away.

PS- BDews highly recommend Home Depot as the best place to purchase a tree. They are priced just as reasonably as King Soopers, but they cut the bottom off and wrap it for you! This gem only cost us $35!

Hysto what?

So one of the joys us women with infertility get is to have a HYSTEROSCOPY....code for: PAIN!

With the first one I was told they were just going to take some picture of my uterus to make sure it happy and healthy and ready for an embryo. I told Bri there was no need for him to come with me to such a silly procedure. What they did not tell me I was going to yelp in pain, tears would fill my eyes and I would almost kick the doctor in the face. I instantly wished Bri was there so I could squeeze his hand.

Fast forward almost 2 years and the doc told me I had to have another one in preparation for our next cycle. I instantly was overcome with dread. The night before I went over and over again with Brian how awful it was...he instantly sent a note to his boss that he would be in late. I woke up the morning of the procedure and instantly started whining how it was going to be awful and how I didn't want to go.

When we got into THE ROOM ( did they really have to put us in the room where I've had two D&C's...I think not!), we were both quiet. I surveyed the tray of supplies and saw a gi normous shot. Where the hell was that going to go? When the doc walked in I felt like my palms instantly started sweating (Brian later confirmed this to be true!). I start babbling about how much it hurt, blah blah blah...and how much I was afraid of "the shot". As I got done filling the room with my woes, the doc said "Well, I already gave it to you!". Hallelujah! I didn't even feel it.

Soon I heard the words, " Here we go...." and held my breath. I waited and waited for the pain. It never came. Soon I heard "And, we're done!". I was shocked.

After I thanked him for the pleasant experience, I than told the doc he made me look like a liar and a wimp to my husband...who I had sworn to that this procedure was the equivalent of a limb removal.

After the doc left the nurse did share with us this doc does much better with pain management than the others...I think to validate to my husband that I am not a complete wimp.

The good news is that I do infact have a happy and healhty uterus (is that TMI?If so, just cover your eyes.) My blog was dying for a infertility update that didn't include bad news, delayed cycles or tears, ok?!?!?

Sick Boy

Dear Deacon

I am sorry I didn't pay it much mind when Daddy told me you didn't eat your breakfast on Saturday. I am also sorry I didn't pay it much mind when Daddy told you didn't eat your dinner either. I could tell you weren't feeling too hot, but I wasn't too worried.

You did, however, get my attention when we returned late on Saturday night to blood in our kitchen and deck. As I yelled for your Daddy, you spewed blood all over our hardwoods. It wasn't long before we were welcoming Sunday morning with you in the ER.

They made us leave you overnight, and gave us a hefty estimate of cost as we walked out the door. All I can say is, thank god for pet insurance!

I was shaking my head on Sunday as I cooked pounds of meat and rice for you. Who cooks for their dog? Well I do, cause I love your face off.

I hate to now break the news to you that you will be returning to your regular kibble tomorrow. It was fun while it lasted!

Love,

Mommy

Giving Thanks

Thankful

Thankful....for Brian. The one who makes me laugh, makes me love, makes me crazy, encourages me to slow down, supports me, and who makes my heart full.

Thankful...for my family. The ones who made me the person I am today.

Thankful...for my Dew family. The new family, the ones I wished I lived closer.

Thankful...for my friends. The ones that make me laugh through all of the tough times, the ones that love me even though I am bad about calling, the ones that the mere thought of bring a smile to my face.

Thankful...for all of my fellow rescue volunteers. The ones that make the long drives, put in the long hours and sleepless nights, the ones who believed in our dream of a giant breed rescue

Thankful...for our jobs. The jobs that drive us looney, but also the same jobs that affords us the nice life that we have.

Thankful...for Bobbie, Sadie, Zach & Deacon. The ones that make me laugh everyday, the ones that drive me insane everyday. The ones that would protect me to their last breath.

Thankful...for hope. The last few years have not been without struggle. It is hard to face yet another holiday season without a baby, but I believe there is a plan. I have to trust there is a plan. I have hope that there is plan.

I hope you make your THANKFUL list and come back to it when times get tough as I often do throughout the year.

Happy Thanksgiving from the BDEW house to yours!

Saturday night surprise

My sister and I married good men. Plain and simple, straight up good men.

The boys planned an awesome night away for us. We stayed at this really cool, ultra modern hotel up in Broomfield, next door to the 1st America Bank Event Center where this guy was playing:

We had dinner at PF Chang's, than had a little cocktail hour in the Zeman room prior to the show. We ended the night in the hotel bar. We had so much fun- really, so much fun.

Thanks, Bri, for taking such good care of me and us.

Surprises

I don't do well with surprises...I always try to "solve" them. A few months ago I saw the same trait in my sister as she almost ruined her birthday surprise from Mike.

A few weeks ago Brian told me to hold Nov 20th as a date night, but wouldn't provide any further explanation. He told me last week that I now need to pack a bag. Of course my first thought went to who would stay with our dogs? But Mr Dew had already taken care of it!

So, we are off tomorrow. It is driving me nutty that I don't know where we are going. I've guessed all over the map, but he won't cave with any details.

I told him he runs the risk of my planning this expensive and fantastic trip in my head, only to be disappointed when we pull into the Super 8...but apparently he is willing to take that risk (ps- Mrs Dew doesn't do Super 8, please and thank you)

I am sure though it will be ton of fun and I love that hubby has taken the time to plan something fun for us!

Welcome Back!

It begins again...casually rolling over to see what time it is and than flying out of bed upon realizing I had forgotten I needed to go to Conceptions today for my 1st (of many) blood draws.

Soon I was on C470, a road I rarely travel when we are not in baby mode. As I approached Broadway I started to feel the nerves. Going to Conceptions just brings an un easy feeling in me. More bad has happened there than good.

As I entered the building, 3 different people stopped to give me hugs. When I entered the lab for the blood draw the gal jumped up and gave me a huge hug, followed by "Welcome Back!". A terrified looking girl gave me a look of horror....I knew what she was thinking "She's back? Why is she back? What does that mean? Why does everyone know her so well? Did it not work for her?!?!?!?"

So, as much as it was a shock to my mental state, as of this morning we have been welcomed back to the wonderful world of fertility treatments. Wish us luck!

Mrs Pounders

In a few short weeks Summer Sciez will be Summer Pounders ( a name that will forever bring a smile to my face!!!)

We celebrated in BlackHawk with a nice dinner and than some gambling. I blew through $20 in about 20 seconds and decided to just spectate.

Congrats, Summer-Time! We've all come a long way together!

Mom

We celebrated my Mom's birthday on Saturday. I forgot my camera...weird, I know. So here's a picture of my pretty Mom at Easter.

I am pretty sure my Mom was put on this earth to be a Mother and a Grandmother. She takes nothing as seriously as she does being mine and Nik's Mom and the boy's Grandmother. She always tells me " I am not right if you're not right!"...so you might imagine she has taken our infertility struggle as bad as we have. She prays and prays. She has the boys pray. She pays for my acupuncture. She tells me all the time she has hope and just knows I will be a Mom someday. Many times she is my only voice of hope.

She has also taken Brian on as her own. Always curious about his job, how he is doing in school, if he has gotten his flu shot and often offers to help us pay for his voice over classes and demo tape. We always tell her "No", but she always says she will always do whatever she can to make our lives better..because that's what a Mom does. I also think she is so thankful someone is taking such good care of her baby girl.

Nik and I realize how close our family is can be "weird" to some people (ie, Brian and Mike when they first joined us), but I don't know where I would be without my family. They are really the backbone to who I am. They are the ones who make me laugh the most. They are the ones who, at times, drive me insane. They are who I turn to when I need support. My mom created that for me and I am so thankful for that.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Elmo

It has been brought to my attention that a certain 2 year old would prefer my blog music if I added a selection by the hugely successful artist known as "Elmo". I had to search a bit, but am happy to report that there is now an Elmo song on my blog for my favorite niece!

AFA

My parents have been season ticketholders to AFA games since I was 11 years old. It is how we spent every fall Saturday...either at the Academy or traveling with the team. It is where my Dad taught us the game.

Me and my Mom...23 years after we began tailgating at AFA games


Nik is married to an AFA grad, and now have the same tradition as we did as kids. Her boys love the games, and they tailgate in the same spot as my parents. Bri and I went down for last nights game and had a great time. It was cool to see the same tradition of fun being passed onto the kids.

I also had to smile that the Mulloys are now part of Nik's regular tailgating crew. Brian came into our lives as a 18 yrs old freshman cadet at the AFA. He fell in love with our favorite other cadet, Julie....they are now parents to 3 and live down the street from Nik. Let's also not forget Nik and I both believe that Julie is one of the funniest people to ever walk the face of earth.

Julie and 4 mo old Connor...who Coop suggested I adopt since Brian and Julie "have two more at home!"





I loves sharing the "AFA Experience" with Brian and can't wait til we can start driving down with our kids for games!

Out of Pocket

So, I don't think this post can do the actual conversation any justice, but I Am going to give it a shot.

Let me set the scene...Jack is my adorable 9 yr old nephew. In Jack's world, making him talk on the phone is the equivalent of torture. If you force him, he will get on the phone, mumble and speak barely audible words. When are you with him and see him talking to Grandma (who still forces him to perform this unspeakable act), he is pouting, shoulder tiled inwards and he looks like he is in physical pain.

So with that said, here is what happened yesterday ....I was calling my sister on her cell phone and quite surprised when Jack answered..

Jack: Hi Auntie B

Me: Hi Buddy, what are you guys doing (assuming Nik is busy and has asked him to answer the phone for her)

Jack: I just got home from the dentist

Me: Really? How was that?

Jack: Awful. Really, really bad.

Me (smiling at the drama in his voice): Why?

Jack: Well, you know those two teeth that are close together?

Me (having no clue what he is talking about): Yes, I know those teeth

Jack: Well, noone told my mom to tell me to floss, so now I have two cavities.

Me: Oh, that is bad news. Don't worry about it though, it won't hurt to fix.

Jack: Well, I know that, but the really bad news is that there it is going to cost $165 out of pocket!

Me (trying to stifle the laugh at the co-pay talk. Does he even know what that is): Really? That is a lot of money.

Jack: And than, guess what else? You know that white thing on Cooper's gum? It grew back and that is $122 out of pocket!"

Me: (Full blown belly laughing) It's a good thing your mommy and daddy work so hard to pay the bills. You need to start flossing.

Jack: I know, I know. Want to talk to my mom?

When he hands off the phone to Nik, she is surprised to hear me on the other end. Turns out she had no clue he answered her phone. I re tell her the story of our talk and she laughs hysterically. Apparently she was telling my mom the story in the car ride home and Jack was listening.

So to all you parents out there, taking about out of pocket expenses and other juicy things, those little ones are listening!

For Hire

BDews are for hire....babysitting, that is.

The requirements are as follows:

1. Your child must be happy, no crying aloud
2. Your child must love me more than Brian (We are one for one in this category..I have Emma Wennberg's vote but Elliotte thought Bri was funnier than me!)
3. Your child must make me laugh

If your child falls into the above categories, and you pay $50/hour. We are in!

A Good Egg

I married a good egg. Kind, thoughtful, generous, loyal and loving. Never before have I been so loved. Never before have I ever felt so secure and safe in a relationship.

Trying to have a baby has been a stress. Even the strongest of marriages don't go unscathed.We've had our rough patches but we always quickly bounce back, a trait that we are both thankful for.


The last 5 month break from TTC has been great for us. It's given us perspective, it's given us time to re-evaluate. We have relaxed, we have had fun. It has given us hope again.


We are getting very close to next steps, and have a well laid plan. But this well laid plan involves another medical procedure, which means my body is going to put through the ringer again. I am getting more anxious about it.

Being the good friend and husband he is, he came to me last night to ask if I wanted to change our game plan. Did I want to go straight to adoption? He explained he realizes what a toll it takes on me and his priority is "us" first, baby second. He wants a baby that is from us, but what he wants more is a happy and healthy wife.

As a wife, I so appreciated the gesture. It will always be "us" first, and I love him for that. Because, without "us", there would be no want for a baby. That said, for "us" I am willing to move forward, I am willing to take the risk of disappointment and heartache...this one last time.

And, if it doesn't work I know we will get through the pain. I know we will recover...we've done it before and together, we can do it again. And if things don't go the way we plan, I will accept the fact that HE has all along had a different plan and HE was just waiting for us to figure it out and be ready.

I love you very much, Babycakes!

You never know ...

So on Monday I was on the receiving end of a sad email and phone call...both revolving around miscarriage and failed IVF attempts. The news is so devastating, I know how it is to not to know how to deal with the disappointment and grief. I know exactly how these two women feel.

As soon as I was off the phone, I declared " I don't even want to do it again!"....just the thought of all of those feelings being stirred up again was enough to make me throw in the towel before we even really began.

As I walked into the kitchen I saw an envelope with the return address of someone in our new member's class at Greenwood Community Church (The BDews become official members this weekend!). In it, was the most thoughtful letter I've ever received. It was from a woman who went out of her way to let me know how much she was touched by our story. How our story affected her and the post partum depression she is suffering from-----which kinda surprised me because how could this beautiful woman, with the cute husband and adorable baby have any problems? She went on to say she was humbled by our story and it put some perspective back into her life. How cool is that?

So, I guess you never know how you affect other people. I was just telling my sob story and had no clue it would affect someone else enough to write a 1 page letter of thanks, prayer and support.

It felt good to the soul.

Glenwood Springs, CO

Our day and night away in Glenwood was even better than I imagined.

We arrived in Glenwood Springs around noon, checked into our cool hotel and grabbed some lunch at the local brewery. We decided to take a quick ride up the gondola, a first for Lisa. It was turned out to be a great decision because at the top not only was there a beautiful view, but also a lot of fun things to do (like drink a tasty Coors Light to try to build the courage up to ride the steep alpine slide!)

After our mountain adventure we headed back to do some soaking in the Springs.

That night we headed out for a night on the town and had a wonderful dinner full of good laughs.

I am very thankful to The Hartford for bringing me such a great friend in Mrs Cecchini...I can't imagine my life without her! And, I suppose it doesn't hurt our hubbies really enjoy one another too!!!

On Sunday we sadly headed home...but not after a stop at the Outlet Malls...thank goodness we didn't go away for more than one night- we were packed to the gills!

The weather was great, the fall trees were beautiful- I can't tell you how many times we all declared "We are never leaving Colorado!". So, thanks Glenwood Springs for giving us such a great weekend of friendship and fun! I sure do appreciate it!

What are we doing this weekend?

Thanks for asking, we are taking advantage of Colorado living, that's what we're doing!

We just so happen to have amazing weekend plans with these people:

We are heading here:
Staying here:
And visiting these Hot Springs, among other things:

Should be a great weekend...a nice get away with hubby and good friends!

Born in the Heart

Those of us who struggle with infertility often wonder "How many more times can I do this?", and that answer is definitely different for everyone. And, once you've decided that that answer is, you have another tough decision.....than what?

For some, they stop trying, for some they move onto donor eggs, and for some adoption.

Adoption has always been on my mind, I've always loved the idea for as long as I can remember. I have always been perfectly ok with taking the adoption route, but for Brian it has been a bit harder to stomach the fact that we may not be able to have our own genetic baby. He always seemed to wrestle with it a bit more than I did.

Around the time that the adoption talks really began in the BDew house, our good friends Andy & Anita were approved to adopt from an agency in Castle Rock. Three weeks after their approval, and much to their shock & excitement, a gorgeous baby girl was placed in their home.

Brian and I have really enjoyed watching their family grow...albeit literally overnight. It has been amazing to see how their lives have changed by this one sweet little girl. We were all together on the 4th of July, and after they left Brian said "I could do it. I could adopt. Elliotte belongs to them, no matter what! Andy is so happy. I want that!"

So, Miss Elliotte, not only did your change your Mommy & Daddy's life, you also confirmed to The BDews that a family can be created in more ways than one. It was a pretty cool gift you gave us.

We were super excited to celebrate Elliotte's official adoption day (10.8.10) with a great dinner at Miyama! We got her a cute little Snow Globe with "Now I lay me down to sleep..." prayer on it and had the date engraved on it.

Here's to families that are born of the heart!

Today is a good day in the world!

...cause it marks the birthdays of two of my favorite people.....

Dad- Happy Birthday. I love you so very much. You continue to fight the good fight and I admire you so much for that.

And to Ella, Happy 2nd Birthday! We miss you and wish we could be there to help celebrate!

Zachey Poo Dew

I love all my dogs for different reasons, but there is something special about a rescue dog. They know how bad it can be, so they really appreciate how good they have it, which is the case for Zach aka Zachey Poo Dew.

Sadie, Bobbie & Deacs have been handed the world on a silver platter, and while they would die for me, they don't "get it" like our sweet Zachey does.

I adopted him when he was 2 ( or so we guess). He had a large open gaping wound on his chest and the white of his fur was stained yellow from dirt and urine. Anytime I picked up a broom or shovel, he would immediately fall to the ground in fear. After I adopted him, he became a total wild man with no manners. I distinctly remember having a bit of buyers remorse. But, I committed to him and commit I did. I got up 20 min earlier every day so I could wrestle him into a crate. I patiently stood in the yard while he jumped and jumped and jumped on me with his talon nails running down my back and waited until he was calm. I didn't' freak out when he ate all of my cookbooks. After 6 months, he woke up one day and had reigned in his wildness.

Zach is so sweet and special. He has tons of medical issues, but I absolutely adore him.

Last night I was sitting on the ground with Deacon and Zach decided that it was he who should be on the receiving end of my affection and sat square in my lap. Bri and I are always worried about his health and quirky behavior, so it was nice to see him act like a regular lap dog...even if my legs went numb.

.

Fall Drive

I love Fall. I love taking drives to see the changing leaves. This is how a conversation went when Brian and I first started dating...

Me: "I love Fall. We need to take a drive up to the mountains"

Him: "Have you been to Mt Evans? Want to go?"

Me (totally joking): "Not if this is the place where you take all your girls."

Him (in total seriousness): "Ok, I will think of someplace else!"

Turns out Mt Evans was romantic spot for a few of him and his past lady friends, and almost 4 years later we finally made the drive ourselves. It was gorgeous.I highly recomend a drive, and dont forget to pack a picnic lunch!