Our new family room

One of our biggest mistakes was to let Deacon get on the couch as a puppy- at 18lbs it was cute, now at 180lbs, it is a disaster! He RUINED our couch, breaking the back of it, scratching the cushions and ripping the stitching of a pillow, all in an attempt to look out the front window

Well, thanks to Brian closing the biggest sale of his career, I got all this today! No more couch in front of the window...and note the dog on the floor, not on the couch :)

Crazy Denver

This was what we were doing on Saturday:

This is what we are doing today:

This is what we are doing tonight:

My baby sister is 32!

Happy Birthday to my sissy! I hope Seattle treats you well and we'll celebrate when you get back!

Let's talk about today's infertility meltdown

As much as I try not to think about it, babies, pregnancies and my inability to get pregnant is always on mind. It is always lingering on my shoulder, whispering into my ear.

If you are one of my beautiful friends who is pregnant or has a baby, and happens to be reading this, let me preface that I am so happy for you. I am so excited for you, I truly truly am. I am excited to hear about your doctor appointments, ultrasounds and due dates. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. I can’t wait to visit you in the hospital and hold your new baby. I think it is a pretty amazing thing to watch a friend become a mom.

This all said, I have to say it is a hard place to be in. It is literally gut wrenching when someone shares the news with you that they are pregnant, and than what is even worse is the disappointment you feel in yourself for having that fleeting moment of jealousy. What kind of friend is jealous of another’s pregnancy?

I think Brian and I have both been in a perpetual state of being overwhelmed since we started this IVF journey. The financial aspect is like a 10 ton weight on our shoulders-knowing that we have to fill out a loan application to fulfill our dreams of being parents is infuriating.

When I first began to talk to other’s who have been down this same IVF road I was surprised by the compassion and offers to talk. I was surprised by the very genuine, very heartfelt “ I am so sorry you have to go through this”. Now, a few months in, I can see why. It takes months to work through this process, it takes an emotional toll on your own insecurities and on your marriage. How can it not? Thankfully, Brian and I are in this together- sure, we’ve exchanged some harsh words over things that were unnecessarily escalated due to stress, but at the end of the day we have each other as support to lean on. I may not have a baby yet, but I certainly have an incredible husband.

I am terrified and excited at what the next 8-10 weeks will bring. The sun comes each morning, so I have no choice but to face what it brings me. Hopefully it will bring a baby sometime soon...

Home Alone

Brian is on a business trip and has left me all by myself. He left early Sunday morning and will be back on Thursday- I don't think I've been alone that long in the house since before we met.

I had a busy day yesterday but around dinnertime I got bored...No one to entertain me. It was very weird to be in the bed by myself, but our little Bobbie took his space...pillow and all.

I had to laugh at myself that I double checked the locks last night. Good news is that after Deacon's "incidence" at the dog park in which he chased down a jogger who was running straight at me, I am confident he won't let any bad guys get me.

I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to remember what I did with myself "Pre-Brian"...24 hours, later, I still don't know

Hurry home, Babycakes!

Our baby is all growsed up

Deacon, 17 months old. We are guessing he is between 185lbs-190lbs these days

1st BBQ of the Year

Kari hosted the first BBQ of the year... in March! It was a gorgeous day. Kari had the tiki torches and fire pit going, the dogs ran and played, and the humans relaxed.

It was so much fun we are going to do it again this weekend!

Poker Night

We spent Saturday night in the Springs and went to a Poker Party at a neighbor of Nikki's. I had never played Poker before and asked for a quick explanation at which the end of I said, 'So, like Go-Fish?"...in my defense that is basically what Nik explained.

Well, it turns this girl has a knack for poker. 4 hours later, I was in the final 3. Nik was out, Brian went out about 2.5 hours prior. I even won $50!
There was yelling, screaming, cursing and drinking!

That last part...the drinking, resulted in the last picture of the night:

Happy Birthday, Cooper

Coop,

You turn 5 today...I can hardly believe it. You are a real "big boy", where did our baby go?

You had a big year- you learned to ski, you learned to write your name, you found your first girlfriend in Riley, and you gained an Uncle.

Right before our wedding in August, you told me that I shouldn't marry Uncle Brian. When I asked why you told me it was because you wanted to marry me. I told you I thought you had plans to marry Riley, which you confirmed, but than told me you wanted to marry us both. You also than reminded me that I always tell you and Jack "I love you more than anyone in this whole world!". Which is true, I do. But I explained I loved Uncle Brian in a different way, and that I really wanted to marry him. So, you and I struck a deal...I promised that I would have a piece of my heart that would only ever belong to you and Jackey Boy. You replied with, "Just for us? Not for anyone else? Not for any dogs, or other kids or Uncle Brian?" I said yes, and a big smile spread across your face. We than agreed not to tell Uncle Brian or Riley about our special secret.

Later that day, as you ran by me you stopped and said, "Auntie B, I love Uncle Brian too. You can get married!"...and off you went.

Coopey, I hope you know how much we love you. I hope you know that my life was forever changed the day Jackey was born, and again the day you were born. I hope you know that you fill our hearts, and make us so very proud.

We can't wait to see what you accomplish this coming year!

All my love,

Auntie B

Silver Lining

The reality of this economy has really been hitting home with us as doctor bills begin to pile up (on top of those already existing bills) and sales begin to fall within Brian's job. The reality of the first big payment due to the fertility clinic is hanging very low over our heads too! Couple that with will the announcment of layoffs at Bri's work, we had an overall very stressful weekend...which has carried over to this work week.

Anyway, the silver lining in this week of stress is that I just had my review this afternoon. I got a tiny tiny raise but I was so surprsied to find that my boss recommended me for a individual bonus. I had heard that they existed, but figured I would not be eligible considering my short tenure of only 8 months. It was a great surprise! It also just coincidentally will cover our first big initial payment to the fertility clinic...it's funny how those things happen! I have been praying and praying for an answer other than a credit card...guess I got it!

Rascal Flatts

one of my Valentine's Day gift were tickets to see Rascal Flatts! I was so excited to see the group who sings the song that Bri and I consider to be "our song", the one we danced to at our wedding. As an added bonus, Jessica Simpson opened for them. I am proud to say I was excited to see her too. I was dying to see her in person after all the hoopla the last few weeks over her weight. First of all, she is TINY! Second of all, she has rockin' legs. Gorgeous too. During Jessica's set, she mentioned she had met John Elway backstage. We had front row seats at Club level, with a great view of the floor. Randomly, I spotted Elway, and he proved to be great entertainment as well. There was a lot of air guitar, and even some shoulder bumps. We are pretty sure he was not feeling any pain as that he always had a cup in his hand! The night ended with "God Bless the Broken Road"...our song