Yes, We're alive

I feel like a super blogger...I am getting texts and emails from people saying I haven't posted in since last week and they are worried about me :)

We are doing ok...moments of that blah feeling where you can't quite figure out what is bothering you, or why you are so easily annoyed... until you remember. Moments of not really be all that excited about anything, moments of pretending all is well so you don't seem like the person who likes to throw pity parties. But there are also moments of confidence where things do seem ok, moments when I really do go a whole hour without thinking about it, and moments where I do crack completely inappropriate jokes about the whole situation ( for which only my husband, sister & friend Heidi can appreciate w/o giving me looks of complete & utter horror)

Unfortunately the body takes a while to figure out what has happened...so the exhaustion, sore body parts, & upset stomach unfairly lingers long after it should. The signs and symptoms of pregnancy, which I used to so proudly share with Brian and anyone who would listen, are now unwanted and unappreciated. There is something seriously wrong when you hear/read pregnant people talk of their symptions and you think to yourself, " check, check, yup, I still have those too."

I am also still "counting"...ie, I would have been 11wks yesterday. I did with this the last pregnancy too. Brian would ask,"Why do you torture yourself?", and I couldn't help it. The good news is I no longer do that with the 1st pregnancy, so I can only assume I will lose count with this one as well.

On the upside, I am working with a new acupuncturist. This lady is "the real deal"- even writes her notes in Chinese. She has me on 5 days of a new herb to help cleanse my body...and while I assume she means my uterus, every morning and night I come damn close to cleansing my stomach as that I gag and gag while trying to drink it all down. I am going to see her every week for the next month, than will go every other week until Baby Dew Attempt #4 happens. She snaps her fingers at me and says, "Sure, Sure, this no problem!" I am glad to finally find someone with such confidence in my body!

The gym is also calling, which will start next week. Boo.

On Sat night by sister and nephews were up visiting. I went into our bedroom to check on the boys, who were tucked in our bed watching movies. I said to Coop, "You better not be touching my BB"- which is my childhood blankie and a running joke between us that we are not supposed to snuggle with one another's prized possession. Coop looked at me and said, "Auntie B, your baby is dead, how can I be touching it?". I actually laughed at the misunderstanding, and the complete look of horror Jack gave him. Than Coop said, "Ohhhhhh, your BB. Well, that's not dead. That's right here" he said as he patted the bed, "Silly me! Want it?".....and life goes on.