More sharing

You all know I am a big mouth, an open book and I cope with the struggles in my life by sharing them….even if you don’t want to hear. I debated posting this note because it feels like all I do is write doom and gloom posts, but if this blog is about my life, than this post is too.

As soon as I got done declaring on this blog that our last baby attempt had failed, we learned I was in fact pregnant. It was a wonderful Father’s Day present to Brian. But as quickly as we learned the good news, we also than quickly learned I would be losing the pregnancy. Bloodtests were abnormal and I received a call that I would be likely miscarrying within the week. We were in total shock- our good fortune had hardly had enough time to sink in and than we had to immediately try to wrap our heads around the fact that I would be spending the week waiting for a miscarriage.

This latest miscarriage is bringing with it so many of more emotional fears. You don’t have 3 miscarriages in a 16 month time span and not really begin to fear that carrying a child isn’t a possibility. How many times do you keep trying? As a woman, how do you ever forgive your body? But the absolute hardest question is, How do you ever wrap your head around the fact that you may never see a baby that has your red hair, or your husbands beautiful eyes?

We most certainly do not have the answers yet, and who knows, maybe we never will. I guess in all of this I never really thought about the grieving process we would go through when a decision to stop medical treatments actually happened.

We are certainly looking forward to the next 6 month break. It couldn't have come at a better time.

Day by day we go...

ps- News like this makes for nights like Saturday- Thanks Cecchini's for taking our minds off (literally off) all of our problems!