A New Day

My D&C was yesterday. Waiting a week was torture, but it also gave me a great sense of "I still have a few days before I really need to deal with this!" I woke up yesterday with an upset belly and was fighting down tears immediately. The anxiety of the procedure came on like a mack truck. I just silently prayed, prayed and prayed some more for strength and peace of mind.

I was quite proud of my ability to manage my meltdowns- just a few mini's....

1. On Brian's chest right before we had to leave...me crying like a 5 yr old that I didn't want a shot!

2. In the lobby, where I had been quietly sitting, contemplating if it would look weird if I put my sunglasses back on. I was fine until the receptionist gave me that " I am so sorry look," got up from her desk and came over and gave me a hug. She induced tears, and quickly ushered us into a room

3. Unfortunately, Bri and I are not strangers to this room. No tears until the anaesthesiologist came in and the lump in my throat grew to the size of a watermelon. I stared at the sprinkler in the ceiling. I managed the lump until one of my ultrasound techs came in and again, gave me "that" look and squeezed my leg...at this point I no longer had control over that lump. The anaesthesiologist quickly asked, " Would you like me to give you something?" " HELL YES" was my internal response.

I was in La-La land not soon after. Brian said I spoke of stealing Haitian babies as I was fading out, which is still making me laugh.

We spent the day in bed together- with Slushis and the 1st season of Sons of Anarchy ( God, I love me some Jax!) Brian even made Slushi run #2 at 8pm for me.

The pain level was pretty high yesterday, and still lingers today. I don't remember this from last time, but I was also further along so who knows if that factors in? The pain meds weren't working which was awful.

Today is certainly a new day. With yesterday over with we can finally begin to move on and make decisions about next steps. It is certainly overwhelming to think we are back to square 1 but our RE already has told us what he plans to do next time and the additional meds he will add on. We both just shake are heads we have to start all over.

We are very appreciative of all the love and support we've received from our family and friends. As I said last time, we realize this is an all consuming event in only our marriage and lives, so we appreciate all the support we've received.

Time heals, it helps us move on. I can guarantee you the BDew will be back at this again.