You know you are a Mother..

You know you are Mother when your 13 day old daughter lurches off your chest and turns blue and in one instant you see her life, and your life, flash before in you in a matter of nano seconds.

As you implement what you learned in your Baby Safe Class and turn her upside down to try to relieve her from whatever she may be choking on, as you call your husband hysterical, as he instructs you to call 911, as you wait for the ambulance, as your body literally shakes in fear, as relief floods over you when 4 firemen enter your home, as you frantically run around your home trying to find a sweater and shoes, as you ride in the back of an ambulance, as you call your own mom crying, as you would do anything in the world to trade places with you sweet baby, as you pray and pray, as you silently call out to your recently passed away Father begging him to please take care of your baby...you know you are a Mother.

As you arrive at the ER and the docs rush up on you in the hallway, as you desperately watch the door for your husband to arrive after a panicked drive in traffic, as you become her advocate as they start saying things like seizure, spinal tap and IV, as you watch your baby scream and cry and it's all you can do to not push the docs and nurses out of the way to sweep her back into your arms, as you and your husband hold one another in the corner of the room with tears rolling down both of your faces...you know you are a Mother.

As you spend 4 nights in a hospital bed watching over your baby next to you, as you shower in the gross hospital showers in place of leaving your girl, as you and your husband take turns rocking, swaddling and comforting your babe...and wouldn't have it any other way because there is no place in the world you would rather be...you now you are a Mother.

I knew I loved her, but it was in these days that I learned that there was so way I could live without her.