Giving Thanks

I don't think it will take a brain surgeon to figure out what I am thankful for this year...8lbs of pure cutness, love and joy.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, I am reminded of all the years past of sad Thanksgiving's for me...as I waited, hoped and prayed that "next year", we would have a family member to add to our table.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, my heart is literally swelling with gratitude for the miracle we've been given this year.

But as we approach this Thanksgiving, my heart is also aching for who is missing. My heart is aching for our first holiday without him. My heart is aching in worry for my Mom and how she will handle the day, which also happens to be the 6 month anniversary of Dad's death.

Just last year, I took this picture, not for a single instance ever thinking he wouldn't be here this year.

It is strange to have such conflicting emotions at one time...pure joy and pure sadness.

But I do know this, I love my girl with a fiereness that cannot be described and I know for an absolute fact that this is how my Dad loved Nik and I. I finally understand the love a parent has for a child and how you would move mountains to make them happy. I know I wouldn't want Syd's unhappiness to be caused in my memory, so I know my Dad wouldn't either.

While I will forever be devastated that my girl won't know the love of her Grandpa, I am also so thankful for the bright light her birth has shown on our family- I firmly believe she was saved for a time when we would need her most. I am deeply thankful for this.

So our family will be entering this weekend with some trepidation of where our emotions will take us and that's ok. Tears are ok, even better when they are tears of happiness. I will do my best to focus on my beautiful daughter, my incredible husband, my warrior Mother, my supportive sister, my hilarious brother-n-law and darling nephews. Because those 7 people are what I am most thankful for this year.