3 Months

Wednesday marked 3 months since Dad left. It is still as surreal now as it was when it happened.

He's been extra heavy on my thoughts this week.

Last night we were watching "Flashpoint" (Hello, Sam? I love you!) The very last scene was one of the main characters rushing to his Dad's bedside as he was about to pass. As I realized what I was watching I could feel Brian turn to look at me and hold my hand...and as soon as the dying Father said "I'm scared..." I could not even try to stop the tears.

Dying sucks. No two ways about that.

Baby Face

Dear Baby Girl,

We got our first real "peak" at you on Friday via a 3d ultrasound. I was so excited all day. What would I see? Would I see anything that looked familiar to me?

You were stubborn....holding your hand in front of your face and at times playing with your umbilical cord (which, btw, is simply gross...you get that from Daddy).

But you did give us a few good glimpses. You even started to smile, which made a big grin come across my face and Daddy laughed....loud.

Me and Aunt Becky think we see some of Coop in that face of yours. Which I loved, because that means Grandpa is there too. Grandma Munger sees my lips and a lot of Daddy too. Daddy and I both swear we saw my pointy chin!

I loved seeing you, it made it so real. You are a real life in there. You have a cute face that goes with all that kicking and spinning.

You will be here in about 9 weeks. That seems like a lifetime but I know it is right around the corner.

I can't wait to meet you in person and smother those chubby cheeks in kisses.

I've been waiting a long time for you.

Love,

Mommy

Showered wtih Love, Part 1

Some of my best girls threw me a beautiful baby shower this weekend. A gorgeous day at the Casa de Condon in Larkspur. I was overwhelmed to say the least!

After the shower my mom called me to tell me how lucky I am to have such a great friends- my AXO Girls, Rescue, Work....I am lucky indeed.

30 Weeks down, 10 to go

Introduction to L&D

Our first introduction to Labor & Delivery, Floor 5, occured this afternoon. Not by choice, but by a nagging fear something was horribly wrong.

After I was done helping with BDHPI dog food distribution this morning, I followed Lisa nad Corey to grab a late b-fast. As I drove, it dawned on me that I had not felt Baby Girl move since the night before. But I reasonedI had been chatting and running around and not really paying attention, so after we got done eating I went home to relax and wait for those flutters.

Well, I waited and waited. I drank ice water. I called my sis for reassurnace. I texted sis-n-law Becky who advised drinking juice and laying on my left side. I called my mom. Finally, I called the doc.

I didn't want to be that crazy prego lady who was making things up, but the doc quickly explained that this stage in the game I should absolutely feel her move over a 2 hr period and since my window was longer than that to head in to L&D for a fetal check.

I summoned Brian home, I showered, I quickly weighed the chances something could actually be wrong.

We got to the floor, they strapped me in, the RN began to ask her 10,000 questions, when Baby Girl gave me and the monitor, a hard swift kick. And continued to do. I laughed and than apologized for wasting their time each time she did. Baby made a fool out of Mommy.

The nurse reassured me it was best to come in. We also got the good news that baby's heart is functioning at the age of a 32 week old baby, not the 29 weeks she. What an advanced girl we have!

As we sat in the L&D room, I got a big dose of reality as I couldn't help but think of my impending labor. And, I am not going to lie, anxiety kicked in a bit. The room, the cabinets that I know "hide" all of the "tools", the baby warming bed. Excitement mixed with total dread.

I certainly hope I don't see that room for another 10 weeks but those images are hard to get out of my nervous head.

7 Months

Some Stats:

7 months pregnant

Baby Girl weighs 2lbs, 14 oz

She is measuring a week ahead of schedule

She kicks, hops, spins and twirls all day long. Best. Feeling. Ever.

Mommy is doing pretty good with the exception of exhaustion & carpal tunnel

As of today, 11 weeks left. Not that anyone's counting!

3 Years

3 years ago today I became Mrs. Dew.

We've lived, we've laughed, we've risked, we've lost & we've hoped.

It hasn't always been easy. I haven't always been easy.

This past year will always be defined by our pregnancy and the loss of my Dad. Neither of which I would have gotten through without Brian. He respected the fact that I tend to go inwards with my grief. He always offered to talk but never pushed. He let me lay on the couch and do nothing on the days that I needed to do that. He let me take my frustrations out on him. He loved in inspite of all of these things.

This year has been nothing short of a roller coaster for both of us. But as we always do, we come out stronger for it. We are one another's best friend. We always have one another's back. We are a team. It is what I've always wanted.

We are heading into our 4thrd year with great things on the horizon. Baby Girl will be here in less than 12 weeks (hopefully not more!) Brian's career is taking off like he never dreamed it could have. We are in a good, good place.

I am a lucky girl. Probably much luckier than I deserve.

Baby's Room

Daddy has been working very hard! Baby Girl's room is very sweet, cute and peaceful, if I do say so myself!

Dad's Meadow

On Friday afternoon we headed up the hill to Keystone, CO. We rented a gorgeous condo and settled in for what I knew would be an emotional weekend for all. The good news is that little boys have a great way of keeping things light!

On Saturday morning, we headed up the mountain...

We found a perfect spot to spread his ashes. We prayed, we cried, we laughed, we drank champagne. It wasn't easy, but it was peaceful.

We all miss him so much.