Paying it Forward

Dear Friend,

I've always known I was lucky to have you in my life. But now, I really know it.

You've stepped up to help my family, and some of you are doing so without even having met my parents.

You've done it quietly and generously.

You've done it because you value our friendship, because you know I am hurting and mostly because you simply want to help in any way you can.

Unless you've gone through something like this, you don't really and truly know how special this is. I've made cookies, I've donated, I've cooked but I did it without ever really knowing how important it was. And I also think of all the times I could have done something more and didn't. I feel bad for those times now.

I have vowed I will never not act again. I will pay it forward every opportunity I get.

So thankful my sweet friends for all that you have done to help. I am really humbled by you.

Love,

Bree

My Mom

So anyone who knows my Mom knows that she is handful. She is social, out going and opinionated. Sound like anyone you know? I see her in Nik and I all the time.

My whole like I've seen my Mom fight for me. She would do anything for Nik and I.

And now, I am seeing her fight for my Dad.

She has given up everything to care for him. Her job, her free time, her sleep and at times, her sanity.

She rarely sits down, she rarely rests, she rarely eats.

Her world is her husband and making sure he is as comfortable and pain free as possible. For the first time in my 36 years someone other than myself or my sister is her main concern...as it should be.

She is amazing. Simply amazing.

I worry so much about her but she wouldn't have it any other way. God gave her the incredible gift of compassion and care giving. I wonder if it was for this time in her life?

Yesterday my Dad said, "You have an incredible Mother, Bree".

And I do. I really, really do.

2 weeks ago today....

...the world as I know it changed. My dad, in preparation for a neck surgery, had an MRI done and the surgeon called with words like" lung, bone & lesion"

In the fourteen days since our family has been using like "Cancer, radiation, terminal, incurable & hospice"

In the fourteen days since I've cried harder than I ever have in my life. And I don't mean just crying, I mean sobbing...you know, the "ugly" cry...where you are sobbing and than your sister or you choke on the tears and hysterically start laughing because you don't know what else to do.

In the fourteen days since I've seen the core of who my parents are. My entire life they have lived behind this SuperWoman/SuperMan shield and I've sadly realized they are human.

In the fourteen days since I've had to walk down a hallway that has a big sign that reads "Oncology". It still takes my breath away every time I see it.

In the fourteen days since, my Dad uses every opportunity he has to express his love and his hopes for us. He is leaving nothing, absolutely nothing, un-said.

In the fourteen days since I've seen a side to my parents relationship that I never have before. They are more gentle, more loving. My mom leans into my Dad's hospital bed and they whisper to one another. She pats him arm while trying to fight back years.

In the fourteen days since my always close family has circled the wagons.

In the the fourteen says since I have seen the true meaning of "in sickness and in health". My mom is nothing short of amazing...simply amazing.

In the fourteen days since my sister and I have been humbled by the love & support of so many people. People are coming out of the woodwork to offer their help in any way needed. It truly warms the heart.

In the fourteen days since my world has been literally turned upside down. Dad is the last thing I think about when I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. The situation is grim and we are all trying to figure out a way to navigate our new reality.

While I may be 36 years old, a life without my Dad is terrifying.

If you are a prayerful person, please remember my Mom & Dad in your thoughts.