I have a new friend, we met a little over a year ago. She has been so good to me during our IVF process- asking questions, offering support, genuinely concerned, and listening to my fears and doubts. When we lost the babies, her eyes filled with tears. She brought flowers. She sent texts to make sure I was ok. She was a great friend.
Yesterday, this friend shared with me that she is pregnant- an unexpected surprise. When she came to tell me, she was nervous. When she told me, I burst into tears. I was shocked at my reaction, and spent the rest of the day horrified that I had done so.
Who does that?
I am really happy for her...I am really, truly am. She is luckier than she could ever imagine.
I can't wait for the day when someones joy doesn't remind me of our loss.
So, Friend, who I know reads this blog, I really am sorry! But, being the good friend you are, I know you will tell me it's OK.
I owe you a baby shower!
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2 comments:
bree, i am so sorry for your & brian's loss. :( so devastating. i think just as a mom who loses a child hurts all over again when she watches her child's friends graduate, get married, etc. ... it's not that you're not happy for them. it's just that it makes your wound all fresh & makes you feel your pain again. [like ripping off the scab - if that's not too gross] but it's not that you're not genuinely happy for the person who is happy. and it's not like the exciting news shouldn't be shared. i know from my sister, it's worse to be the LAST to know or worse, when no one tells you & you just 'find out' on your own. your feelings will be fresh for awhile ... and i know people will understand.
i'll keep you guys in my prayers... :) - Rachel
Bree,
I can tell you that you are not alone. I have done the exact same thing. Getting over a loss like this is not easy at all. I still have a hard time and it has been over a year. It is so hard to see someone succeed so easily at something you are having such a hard time with. What comes to mind, is the question "Why couldn't that have been me?" and at the same time, you feel guilty because you couldn't express pure happiness for them. It is a hard thing to overcome, but you are not the first woman to feel like this, and you are far from the last.
You are a great friend to everyone, whether it is a close friend or even just an acquaintance. I know none of what I have to say can make your loss easier for you to deal with, or for that matter make you feel better, but know that you are in my thoughts. Just remember, your actions and reactions are completely normal.
Diana
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