It's just like cancer....

"It's just like finding out you have cancer"....is how my mom likened our family's trials last week. You know, when you find something out that is too big, too overwhelming, too scary to process in one sitting. That is how the Mungers were last week.

A few posts ago I wrote of my Dad's relief he did not have MSA. Well, it turns out he does. It was like being hit with a truck. How can my Dad be sick? How can my Dad be faced with a disease that takes away his independce? How can my Mom handle this? How do I live a life without him?

We all spent a lot of last week crying- in the car, in the shower, over Budlight on the phone with my sister.

Nik and I don't tend to keep things to ourselves, so we reached out to friends. I received this email from a wonderful friend of mine...It took my about an hour to read it thru my tears, but it is something I keep going back to read.

Bree-

I delayed responding to your email because I wanted to get my thoughts in order. As you know, I have been where you are. I know the thoughts, feelings, heartbreak, and fear you and Nikki are going through. If I could stop it or take it away, I would do anything in my power to make that happen. I wasn't sure if I wanted to give you advice or just words of encouragement, but I do think I want to share with you some of the things I now know, and things I would have done differently.

First, know that everything you are feeling is okay and normal. Seeing your dad so vulnerable and your mom so helpless is not a good feeling, but allow yourself to feel it. Your parents will try and be strong for you, but don't try and be strong for them- or at least let them know how scared you are. You can be strong but scared at the same time. They will want to support you as you go through this too, but they will also want to protect you as your are their daughters. Let them.

Second, allow yourself to be angry. This fucking sucks!

Third, take each moment as it comes. With a diagnosis of Parkinsons, or MS, or MSA, there are so many unknowns... things to worry about, what ifs... My advice to you is don't worry until you have to worry, or it will eat you alive. Be hopeful, and take it day by day.

Lastly, love your dad more than you ever thought you could. Tell him. Show him, Thank him. Hug him. Do it becasue you can. I know you will not hold back, but don't be afraid you will show fear or cry- who cares?! You still have your dad, and now is the time to live in the moment. Don't take one second for granted. Spend every second you can with him and your mom as a family, and as a daughter.

My dad was sick for 38 years and fought every second of it. Your dad will too, because he is surrounded by love and support. While he may not be able to walk, or drive, or whatever, he's still your dad. Throughout my dad's life and all of his suffering, he was always an optimist, and never once complained. He always said "Grace Happens", and I never really knew what it meant until he was gone. I do now. Grace is in all of us, and you can use it to lift yourself up when you need it, whether your are sad because of your dad or infertility. And have Faith that no matter what happens, your dad will always love you more than you love him because that's what dad do. Tell him every day what he means to you. Ask him questions that you never asked. Take lots of pictures, and laugh with him!

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but just know that I am thinking about you and your parents as you enter this unknown chapter. If you ever want to talk, or cry, or vent, I'm here, and I know exactly what you are giong through.

I'm so happy you're my friend.

Ouch, Strike 2

I had a message from a co-worker that said, "Hi Bree, hope you are feeling well. Call me". I thought it was weird she hoped I was feeling well since I haven't spoken with her in a few months and she had no way of knowing that a hacking cough has been present in my body for the last 3 weeks.

I didn't' think much of it, and called me back this morning. The first thing she said was, "I hope you are feeling good! Are they giving you the H1N1 vaccine, cause you are really going to need it". It than it dawned on my that she thought I was still pregnant. I clearly had forgotten to tell her I wasn't.

As you might suspect, she tripped over her words and apologized. Of course, there is nothing to apologize for, and than I found myself comforting her for asking.

Who knows, maybe we will have some more uplifting news to share in the near future? I've already asked Santa.

See, there are good people in this world

Meet Cassie:

Before BDHPI: neglected, emaciated, over bred, no medical care, crusty eyes, 30 lbs underweight

After BDHPI: happy, loving, affectionate, vet visits, pain meds, clean eyes and the ulitmate diagnosis of partial blindess

Cassie's life now: 100 acres, 3 cats, 3 horses, is going to travel the world with her new family attending horse shots. When they are home, she will go to work with her new mom. New dog beds, lots of treats and love! And most importantly, a new mom who does not care about the title of "Special Needs"!

Cassie & her new mom

Stage Mom & the Diva

I happened to be filming Coop when Nik decided to give him a little advice about his performance, and he quickly let her know his thoughts!

Dear Mr.....

Dear Mr.

No offense, but you are not my beer of choice, but since we have tons of you left over from the Yappy Hour, you will make do.

Thanks for keeping me company after a long day of work and people telling your boss they don't really like you. You are also helping me bring my blood pressure down after a tearful conversation with my Mom about my Dad's health. Though, I don't think there are enough of you to ever dull that pain.

I am also hoping that my days with you will be numbered as we try for Baby Dew Attempt #2 soon.

So, Mr. , thanks for hanging out with me until hubby gets home and I drown my sorrows on his shoulder.

Love,

Mrs. Dew

Infertility blows

It's a blizzard in Colorado, which I love. What i do not love is when too much snow piles up on our dish and I lose all TV...this was the case since noon today. Sure, I worked, but I like to have the noise in the background. Without the noise, I am forced to listen to myself.

Today, my head went on and on and on about how annoying infertility is. It complained how how long everything it takes, it complained how my body can't get anything right, the list goes on and on.

It's been almost 15 months now...shouldn't it be time for a break?

So, the moral of today, is to never let your Dish fill with snow....

Snow Day in Denver

This is what we woke up to this morning!