It's just like cancer....

"It's just like finding out you have cancer"....is how my mom likened our family's trials last week. You know, when you find something out that is too big, too overwhelming, too scary to process in one sitting. That is how the Mungers were last week.

A few posts ago I wrote of my Dad's relief he did not have MSA. Well, it turns out he does. It was like being hit with a truck. How can my Dad be sick? How can my Dad be faced with a disease that takes away his independce? How can my Mom handle this? How do I live a life without him?

We all spent a lot of last week crying- in the car, in the shower, over Budlight on the phone with my sister.

Nik and I don't tend to keep things to ourselves, so we reached out to friends. I received this email from a wonderful friend of mine...It took my about an hour to read it thru my tears, but it is something I keep going back to read.

Bree-

I delayed responding to your email because I wanted to get my thoughts in order. As you know, I have been where you are. I know the thoughts, feelings, heartbreak, and fear you and Nikki are going through. If I could stop it or take it away, I would do anything in my power to make that happen. I wasn't sure if I wanted to give you advice or just words of encouragement, but I do think I want to share with you some of the things I now know, and things I would have done differently.

First, know that everything you are feeling is okay and normal. Seeing your dad so vulnerable and your mom so helpless is not a good feeling, but allow yourself to feel it. Your parents will try and be strong for you, but don't try and be strong for them- or at least let them know how scared you are. You can be strong but scared at the same time. They will want to support you as you go through this too, but they will also want to protect you as your are their daughters. Let them.

Second, allow yourself to be angry. This fucking sucks!

Third, take each moment as it comes. With a diagnosis of Parkinsons, or MS, or MSA, there are so many unknowns... things to worry about, what ifs... My advice to you is don't worry until you have to worry, or it will eat you alive. Be hopeful, and take it day by day.

Lastly, love your dad more than you ever thought you could. Tell him. Show him, Thank him. Hug him. Do it becasue you can. I know you will not hold back, but don't be afraid you will show fear or cry- who cares?! You still have your dad, and now is the time to live in the moment. Don't take one second for granted. Spend every second you can with him and your mom as a family, and as a daughter.

My dad was sick for 38 years and fought every second of it. Your dad will too, because he is surrounded by love and support. While he may not be able to walk, or drive, or whatever, he's still your dad. Throughout my dad's life and all of his suffering, he was always an optimist, and never once complained. He always said "Grace Happens", and I never really knew what it meant until he was gone. I do now. Grace is in all of us, and you can use it to lift yourself up when you need it, whether your are sad because of your dad or infertility. And have Faith that no matter what happens, your dad will always love you more than you love him because that's what dad do. Tell him every day what he means to you. Ask him questions that you never asked. Take lots of pictures, and laugh with him!

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but just know that I am thinking about you and your parents as you enter this unknown chapter. If you ever want to talk, or cry, or vent, I'm here, and I know exactly what you are giong through.

I'm so happy you're my friend.