Paying it Forward

Dear Friend,

I've always known I was lucky to have you in my life. But now, I really know it.

You've stepped up to help my family, and some of you are doing so without even having met my parents.

You've done it quietly and generously.

You've done it because you value our friendship, because you know I am hurting and mostly because you simply want to help in any way you can.

Unless you've gone through something like this, you don't really and truly know how special this is. I've made cookies, I've donated, I've cooked but I did it without ever really knowing how important it was. And I also think of all the times I could have done something more and didn't. I feel bad for those times now.

I have vowed I will never not act again. I will pay it forward every opportunity I get.

So thankful my sweet friends for all that you have done to help. I am really humbled by you.

Love,

Bree

My Mom

So anyone who knows my Mom knows that she is handful. She is social, out going and opinionated. Sound like anyone you know? I see her in Nik and I all the time.

My whole like I've seen my Mom fight for me. She would do anything for Nik and I.

And now, I am seeing her fight for my Dad.

She has given up everything to care for him. Her job, her free time, her sleep and at times, her sanity.

She rarely sits down, she rarely rests, she rarely eats.

Her world is her husband and making sure he is as comfortable and pain free as possible. For the first time in my 36 years someone other than myself or my sister is her main concern...as it should be.

She is amazing. Simply amazing.

I worry so much about her but she wouldn't have it any other way. God gave her the incredible gift of compassion and care giving. I wonder if it was for this time in her life?

Yesterday my Dad said, "You have an incredible Mother, Bree".

And I do. I really, really do.

2 weeks ago today....

...the world as I know it changed. My dad, in preparation for a neck surgery, had an MRI done and the surgeon called with words like" lung, bone & lesion"

In the fourteen days since our family has been using like "Cancer, radiation, terminal, incurable & hospice"

In the fourteen days since I've cried harder than I ever have in my life. And I don't mean just crying, I mean sobbing...you know, the "ugly" cry...where you are sobbing and than your sister or you choke on the tears and hysterically start laughing because you don't know what else to do.

In the fourteen days since I've seen the core of who my parents are. My entire life they have lived behind this SuperWoman/SuperMan shield and I've sadly realized they are human.

In the fourteen days since I've had to walk down a hallway that has a big sign that reads "Oncology". It still takes my breath away every time I see it.

In the fourteen days since, my Dad uses every opportunity he has to express his love and his hopes for us. He is leaving nothing, absolutely nothing, un-said.

In the fourteen days since I've seen a side to my parents relationship that I never have before. They are more gentle, more loving. My mom leans into my Dad's hospital bed and they whisper to one another. She pats him arm while trying to fight back years.

In the fourteen days since my always close family has circled the wagons.

In the the fourteen says since I have seen the true meaning of "in sickness and in health". My mom is nothing short of amazing...simply amazing.

In the fourteen days since my sister and I have been humbled by the love & support of so many people. People are coming out of the woodwork to offer their help in any way needed. It truly warms the heart.

In the fourteen days since my world has been literally turned upside down. Dad is the last thing I think about when I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. The situation is grim and we are all trying to figure out a way to navigate our new reality.

While I may be 36 years old, a life without my Dad is terrifying.

If you are a prayerful person, please remember my Mom & Dad in your thoughts.

Chloe Grace

We have a new niece!

Congrats Becky, Mike & Ella

Happy 7th Birthday, Coop!

Dear Coop,

Happy 7th Birthday, Buddy.

When I think back over this last year I just smile. You have turned into such a silly, funny and thoughtful young boy. You have an ability to talk like no other person I know.

You tell me all the time how you pray for a baby for Uncle Brian and I. You tell me that since you pray for it, it will happen. It warms my heart every time you bring up the topic, which always seems so random in nature, which makes me love you even more.

Your love for our dogs continues to grow and you love to come to our house and play with them. You coined the phrase, " Sadie AWES-O-M-E!" which is still making me smile.

I love your little high pitched voice and your hugs. I love your "performances" and how your body cannot be stopped when you hear music.

Your relationship with Jack runs very deep, and I can tell you from experience with your Mommy, how important that relationship will be when you are adults.

I love you so much and thank God everyday that you are my nephew.

Love,

Auntie B

What God Meant

My friend Suz and I both struggle with "Infertility", but for very different reasons. A year ago Suz was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer at the young age of 39- the last year has been tough for her as she struggled to come to terms the fact that she will not be able to have children. She sent this to me yesterday.

What God Meant
Author Unknown

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility?

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper.

I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.

I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility.

No, God never meant for me to not have children.

That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.

I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.

Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment.

I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.

Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.

And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

Where have we been?

I haven't been here in 2 weeks. That is unusual for me.

This is what I have been doing:

Rescue.Dogs.Nephews.Nebraska.San Francisco. Wichita.Work. Long hours. Stress.Pet sitting. Praying for a friend. Praying for us. Praying for my Becky & Mike. Best review of my career. Fearful of losing Zachey. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture for Brian. Running a mile a minute.

I think it is time to stop and smell the roses.