Thanksgiving Re Cap

I gave lots and lots and lots of thanks for this:

We had a fun and chaotic afternoon with these great ladies (hubbies were hiding downstairs). Dinner was delicious and I was thankful for the joyous mood we all shared...I was secretly terrified we would all spend it crying. Brian Mulloy did a give very nice blessing that did honor those that were not with us and the Munger girls did shed a tear, but it was brief.

Auntie Nik had a custom outfit made on ETSY for her, and it was nearly impossible to get a good pic of it! Syd got very tired trying!

Brian and I kept telling Syd all day how thankful we were for her...deeply, deeply thankful!

Giving Thanks

I don't think it will take a brain surgeon to figure out what I am thankful for this year...8lbs of pure cutness, love and joy.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, I am reminded of all the years past of sad Thanksgiving's for me...as I waited, hoped and prayed that "next year", we would have a family member to add to our table.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, my heart is literally swelling with gratitude for the miracle we've been given this year.

But as we approach this Thanksgiving, my heart is also aching for who is missing. My heart is aching for our first holiday without him. My heart is aching in worry for my Mom and how she will handle the day, which also happens to be the 6 month anniversary of Dad's death.

Just last year, I took this picture, not for a single instance ever thinking he wouldn't be here this year.

It is strange to have such conflicting emotions at one time...pure joy and pure sadness.

But I do know this, I love my girl with a fiereness that cannot be described and I know for an absolute fact that this is how my Dad loved Nik and I. I finally understand the love a parent has for a child and how you would move mountains to make them happy. I know I wouldn't want Syd's unhappiness to be caused in my memory, so I know my Dad wouldn't either.

While I will forever be devastated that my girl won't know the love of her Grandpa, I am also so thankful for the bright light her birth has shown on our family- I firmly believe she was saved for a time when we would need her most. I am deeply thankful for this.

So our family will be entering this weekend with some trepidation of where our emotions will take us and that's ok. Tears are ok, even better when they are tears of happiness. I will do my best to focus on my beautiful daughter, my incredible husband, my warrior Mother, my supportive sister, my hilarious brother-n-law and darling nephews. Because those 7 people are what I am most thankful for this year.

Syd's Baptism

November 20, 2011 was Syd's baptism day in the church that I spent countless hours crying and praying for a baby in. It was so wonderful to enter the doors without such a heavy heart.

There were quite a few babies being baptized and after they were done with Syd I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the Director of Music, who had heard our story of trying to become parents. He had tears in his eyes and said he remembered our story and how happy he was for us. He said she is a miracle and my best work...I couldn't agree more!

BED

You know you are a Mother..

You know you are Mother when your 13 day old daughter lurches off your chest and turns blue and in one instant you see her life, and your life, flash before in you in a matter of nano seconds.

As you implement what you learned in your Baby Safe Class and turn her upside down to try to relieve her from whatever she may be choking on, as you call your husband hysterical, as he instructs you to call 911, as you wait for the ambulance, as your body literally shakes in fear, as relief floods over you when 4 firemen enter your home, as you frantically run around your home trying to find a sweater and shoes, as you ride in the back of an ambulance, as you call your own mom crying, as you would do anything in the world to trade places with you sweet baby, as you pray and pray, as you silently call out to your recently passed away Father begging him to please take care of your baby...you know you are a Mother.

As you arrive at the ER and the docs rush up on you in the hallway, as you desperately watch the door for your husband to arrive after a panicked drive in traffic, as you become her advocate as they start saying things like seizure, spinal tap and IV, as you watch your baby scream and cry and it's all you can do to not push the docs and nurses out of the way to sweep her back into your arms, as you and your husband hold one another in the corner of the room with tears rolling down both of your faces...you know you are a Mother.

As you spend 4 nights in a hospital bed watching over your baby next to you, as you shower in the gross hospital showers in place of leaving your girl, as you and your husband take turns rocking, swaddling and comforting your babe...and wouldn't have it any other way because there is no place in the world you would rather be...you now you are a Mother.

I knew I loved her, but it was in these days that I learned that there was so way I could live without her.

Your Story

Dear Syd,

Your birth story began on Monday, October 10th. My blood pressure was increasing and at our doctor's appt that Monday, Dr Harding made the decision to deliver you at 38 weeks. She told us to go to Skyridge at 6:30pm. It was so surreal! We ate our "last dinner" at Red Robin on our way to the hospital.





We checked in that evening and they began the induction. Unfortunately, it turned into a 40+ hour ordeal. Three different kinds of meds, contractions, lots of down time and ultimately on Wednesday morning, they decided a C-Section was what I needed.

Grandma, Autnie Nik and Coop were there to support Daddy and I.

Having a C Section was very intimidating. I was so nervous, but that all changed when I heard you cry. I was in awe of the noise and so anxious to catch a glimpse of you. I felt the purest form of joy come over my entire body. Tears of relief flowed from my eyes.

You were born at 4.21pm on October 12, 2011. You weighed in at 7lbs, 2oz and 19 inches long.
We spent the next 4 days at the hospital, soaking in every inch of who you are. I was running on pure adrenaline. Everyone was shocked at how easy my recovery has been, but I think the joy of having out has outweighed any pain I feel from surgery.

We took you home on Sunday....as we buckled you and Daddy got in the driver's seat to drive us home, I burst into tears. Daddy turned to look at me in surprise at my tears, even I was surprised they were coming from me, but they were tears of relief...tears that were built up for 3 years as we tried to become your parents.

Grandma stayed with us for 5 nights an was a huge help! We are in awe you belong to us, it is still so incredibly surreal.

We are so proud to be your parents. We are so proud that we have created such a beautiful little girl. We cannot wait to see what the future holds for us as a new family.

You were worth the wait, sweet girl...worth the wait


Love,

Mommy

Dear Syd,

Sydney James Dew

There are no words for how blessed and lucky we feel to be her parents.

More to come, but for now we are busy falling head over heels in love with our little miracle.

The Belly

Somewhere between here...

And here...which was only 1 week, the belly POPPED!

I definitely am feeling a bit large-and-in-charge. I am definitely not what I would call "agile". But I wake up each day more excited than the day before to meet this girl of ours.