5 Months

I am a mere 3 days away from being 5 months pregnant. Might not sound like a lot to the average bear, but it is a lot to Mrs. Dew. It's a lot to someone who spent hours wondering what a pregnant belly might look like. It's a lot to someone who always wondered what it would feel like to feel your baby kick.

And now, I am here. Belly is starting to grow. Body is changing. I felt the first "butterfly" last week. We went to the doctor this week for our full body anatomy scan and Baby Girl looked great. She was curled into a ball, making tiny fists under her chin. When she was sick of being pushed down upon, she would give a few fast and furious kicks.

I am slowly accepting this pregnancy for what it is- a normal, healthy pregnancy. This past week the "nesting" as begun. My great friend Lisa is 6 weeks behind me so yesterday we went out and spent all day doing "baby stuff"- hit some garage sales in the morning, a Mexican lunch (cause all growing babies need a Chimichanga), checked out Belly Bliss in Cherry Creek, Babies R Us, Pottery Barn Kids, Target & Destination Maternity. Brian laughed when we pulled up and started un loading things like jogging stroller, cradles, and bags upon bags of clothes..it was like a little clown car.

It was so much fun and I am sure just the beginning of the damage that Lisa and I have in store for our husbands.

Here's to another healthy 5 months....yes, an actual pregnancy is 10 months. It's a load of crap no one tells you about until you are actually pregnant!!

Zachey Poo Dew

2 days before I got called home, we had to put our Great Dane, Zach, to sleep. My devastation was quickly swept under the rug as I raced home to be with my Dad.

I was his mom for 6 years. I learned what a rescue dog is all about through him. He taught Brian about my passion. He was one in a million, there will never be another Zachey Poo Dew.

Cancer took my dog, than it took my Dad. Coop says that Grandpa will take care of Zachey, but that there will be bridge between his cloud and Zach's cloud...so Grandpa doesn't have to sleep with dogs at night.

I haven't had a chance to even mourn this sweet boy, but miss him dearly.

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,

First and foremost, I hate that you have been given this burden to bear. It just doesn’t seem fair that such a good man would be faced with such an ugly disease…actually, make that two ugly diseases. It makes me so angry, but in your words “it is what it is” and I will always admire the grace in which you’ve handled this all.

While I would change this all if I could, I am so incredibly thankful for the time our family has been given. We’ve all slowed down. We’ve all been given a fresh perspective on our lives. We’ve had conversations that have left us all feeling very loved and appreciated. That is a great gift you are leaving us with. I wish everyone could be as lucky as we have been.

I want to thank you for the incredible life you’ve given to Nik and I. I grew up in a home where I was told how much I was loved and how proud of me you and Mom both were. I was given everything a little girl could want. How many little girls get to have the Pudget Sound as their own personal swimming pool in their front yard and pony to ride in their backyard? How many little girls get to sail the British Virgin Islands? How many little girls get to grow up and be handed a college education?

But more much more importantly than these things, is the influence you had on my life. Even as a little girl I knew you had a stressful and time consuming job, but I never once felt like I wasn’t your priority. In the past few weeks I’ve been thinking back a lot to things like “Word of the Week”, Father/Daughter talks on the chair lift and “If you can read, you can do anything”. You set the bar high for me, but never expected me to figure it out on my own. You were there to push and ask the tough questions. You encouraged us to set goals and talked us through how we were going to get there. You stressed the importance of good choices and taught me valuable life lessons. I still laugh when I think of how mad I was at you when you insisted I give you the $2000 I had earned one summer by working at McDonalds so you could invest it. We had World War III in my bedroom over that money. But 7 years later that $2000 had become $5500 and bought me my first home.

I know I got my big heart and outgoing personality from Mom, but I think the core of who I am is you. My no nonsense, straightforward, “call it like you see it” approach to life comes from you. My strength of character and belief in standing up for what I believe in comes from you. I hate to say it, but I also think my impatience with people and at times harsh judgment may also come from you too…but who’s counting? I always think it is such a compliment when Mom tells me “You are your Father’s daughter!”

I’ve always thought our family has had such a solid foundation. Mom most definitely is the center of it all, but you are the quiet strength. Brian often tells me that he wants the family we are creating to be just like the one I had growing up. I think that is such a huge compliment to you and Mom.

I so admire the life you created for yourself and ultimately for us. You had the career that so many dream of, yet few have the guts to go after. You faced tough scrutiny and criticism but never waivered from your beliefs. You always stood firm. I have always admired that so much.

When the time comes for you to leave us, you can go knowing that Nik and I are happy and confident women because of you and Mom. We have great educations, great jobs and most importantly, married wonderful men who will take care of us the rest of our lives. I know you love Mike and Brian so much, and that makes Nik and I so happy. The four of us will also take great care of Mom for you. We will all be ok.

My only one real regret is that our baby girl won’t grow up knowing you. I hope to see some of you in her. Brian and I want you to know that we will be giving her the name of Sydney James in your honor. In the words of the Hospice Chaplain, “May she grow and prosper in your name.”

You are leaving a great legacy behind in Nik, Jackey Boy, Coop & I. I hope we continue to make you proud.

I love you so much and am so thankful for everything you’ve done for me. I hope that Brian and I are half the parents you and Mom are.

I will love you forever and miss you always,

Your Pumpkin Pie,
Bree

May 24, 2011

Is the day that this world lost the most amazing Husband, Father & Grandpa. It is the day that my life changed forever. It is the day that I was lucky enough to be holding my Dad's hand as he left this earth.

I've never felt so many emotions in the span of a few days. Relief that he is long suffering, scared that he is gone, sick to my stomach when thinking of our family without him, nervous for my Mom as she tries to find her way, profoundly sad our baby girl won't know him, proud of his legacy, humbled by people's love & support....it goes on and on.

For those that have experienced a death in the family can probably relate to our situation in the sense that our life has been running at 100% force for weeks. Physically and emotionally exhausted from his illness and physically and emotionally exhausted from taking care of all the things that needs to happen after a death. I told my Mom yesterday that I haven't even had a change to sit down and mourn his death since we are running like crazy women trying to plan a funeral.

I came back to Denver yesterday afternoon after 10 days in my parents house. I was ok until I was going to bed and walked by our engagement picture that we used as our guest book at our wedding. For what ever reason, my eyes went straight to it and directly to my Dad's handwritten note. To see that familiar writing literally stopped my heart. I choked out a cry.

I think it will take a lot of time to accept this new reality. My Dad was so ill and suffering at the end that we were relieved for his passing. I prayed and prayed it would happen. But when I see pictures like the one at the top of this post, when I see a healthy and happy Dad, my heart breaks.

Life is so confusing right now, but one thing I am certain of is that it was an honor to be Jim Munger's daughter.

Dad

A week ago today we spent the day together as a family at the Colorado Springs Police Department, honoring the great work my Dad as Chief. While Dad sat with the upper tier of Officers for coffee, the rest of us were taken on a tour of the facility. It was so amazing to see the affect my Dad had on so many people's lives.

Today, I sit here at my parents home waiting for my Dad to pass. Nik and I got the call on Wednesday to come home as that Dad had taken a turn for the worse. When I got here on Wednesday I honestly thought that was it. I was shocked at the decline in such a few days.

The emotions of the last two days have been unreal. When I got here on Wednesday afternoon things were pretty bad. Dad was quite confused and than slept to 10pm. When he woke up, Mom, Nik, Mike and I were all there. He was completely lucid. We had a meaningful conversation. Mom told it was ok to go, he said he was ready. He held and kissed my hand. He said he would miss us. He reached out his arms to hold Nik and I. We sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Choking cries were echoing through their room.

We also were able to tell Dad that we are naming our daughter after him, Sydney James Dew. Tears streamed down his face as we told him.

It was the most deeply meaningful night of my life.

Dad continues to fight his battle, but we are all praying for a peaceful passing for this man that we all adore. We don't want him to suffer. We don't want him to be in pain. Mom keeps saying, "In God's time.....", which we all know to be true.

If you are reading this, call your parents today. Tell them you love them. You never know how many more opportunities you will have.

Answered Prayers

2.5 Years

3 rounds of Clomid

4 rounds of IUI

1 IVF cycle

1 FET cycle

4 pregnancies

3 miscarriages

If you are doing the math, that leaves us with 1 pregnancy- one healthy pregnancy that I've been keeping a secret for the last 16 weeks!

Oh my gosh, it has been so hard to not shout our great news from the mountain tops. But there has a been a tremendous feeling of not wanting to jinx anything. For those of you who have been reading this blog for the last few years, you know this journey has not been easy. You know what we have been through.

We have finally decided to live in the now, not in the past. We've seen our baby kick, spin and rub her face. She is real. And yes, we know she is a she!

We have decided to share our news, plan, celebrate and shop.

We believe this pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle. We truly believe your prayers were heard.

My Mom always tells me, " God has a plan. He has his reasons."...which is easy to say after the fact but kinda hard to stomach at the time. But now, as our family faces the sickness of our Dad, I can't help but wonder if this baby was saved for this time....saved for a time when we would need it most.

Mother's Day and everything in between

This poor blog is being neglected. Do I really want to complain about the Dew Kitchen Disaster 2011 with all of the things we have going on with my Dad? It seems silly when something so serious is hanging over me.

Bottom line is a month ago we found a leak in the hose to the ice maker. It had been going on for months and caused tons of damage. Our kitchen/house has been a wreck . There has been mold, an insurance fight, more dust and debris that you can imagine, stress, arguments and holes in our floor. It also required a 4 day move out of our home- our entire home. 2 humans, 5 dogs. Thanks to the Cecchini's for taking Mr Dew and the girls.

I went to Colo Spgs with Lily to stay with my parents. I am so thankful for that time. Dad and I had good talks- some light in nature and some very sad ones. I did my best to hold it together while with him.

On Mother's Day the whole family got together. Nik and I have been working on a video of his life and played it for everyone. Not a dry in the house- when Garth Brook's" The Dance" came on and I saw my Dad start sobbing it was all she wrote. The house came crumbling down.

When the video ended, my Mom got up and hugged my Dad. I thought I could hear my heart break.

When I left for the day I hugged Dad and when I pulled away he had tears streaming down his face. Cue the crying...again. I told him " Dad, please don't cry. I will be back this weekend." and hugged him again. He held me tight and kissed my cheek. I cried most of the drive back to Denver.

My mom continues to amaze me. I told her that she is the best example of what a Mother and Wife should be. If I become half the woman she is, I will have turned out pretty good. It was a more subdued Mother's Day than most, but one that will stay with me forever.