Answered Prayers

2.5 Years

3 rounds of Clomid

4 rounds of IUI

1 IVF cycle

1 FET cycle

4 pregnancies

3 miscarriages

If you are doing the math, that leaves us with 1 pregnancy- one healthy pregnancy that I've been keeping a secret for the last 16 weeks!

Oh my gosh, it has been so hard to not shout our great news from the mountain tops. But there has a been a tremendous feeling of not wanting to jinx anything. For those of you who have been reading this blog for the last few years, you know this journey has not been easy. You know what we have been through.

We have finally decided to live in the now, not in the past. We've seen our baby kick, spin and rub her face. She is real. And yes, we know she is a she!

We have decided to share our news, plan, celebrate and shop.

We believe this pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle. We truly believe your prayers were heard.

My Mom always tells me, " God has a plan. He has his reasons."...which is easy to say after the fact but kinda hard to stomach at the time. But now, as our family faces the sickness of our Dad, I can't help but wonder if this baby was saved for this time....saved for a time when we would need it most.

Mother's Day and everything in between

This poor blog is being neglected. Do I really want to complain about the Dew Kitchen Disaster 2011 with all of the things we have going on with my Dad? It seems silly when something so serious is hanging over me.

Bottom line is a month ago we found a leak in the hose to the ice maker. It had been going on for months and caused tons of damage. Our kitchen/house has been a wreck . There has been mold, an insurance fight, more dust and debris that you can imagine, stress, arguments and holes in our floor. It also required a 4 day move out of our home- our entire home. 2 humans, 5 dogs. Thanks to the Cecchini's for taking Mr Dew and the girls.

I went to Colo Spgs with Lily to stay with my parents. I am so thankful for that time. Dad and I had good talks- some light in nature and some very sad ones. I did my best to hold it together while with him.

On Mother's Day the whole family got together. Nik and I have been working on a video of his life and played it for everyone. Not a dry in the house- when Garth Brook's" The Dance" came on and I saw my Dad start sobbing it was all she wrote. The house came crumbling down.

When the video ended, my Mom got up and hugged my Dad. I thought I could hear my heart break.

When I left for the day I hugged Dad and when I pulled away he had tears streaming down his face. Cue the crying...again. I told him " Dad, please don't cry. I will be back this weekend." and hugged him again. He held me tight and kissed my cheek. I cried most of the drive back to Denver.

My mom continues to amaze me. I told her that she is the best example of what a Mother and Wife should be. If I become half the woman she is, I will have turned out pretty good. It was a more subdued Mother's Day than most, but one that will stay with me forever.

Paying it Forward

Dear Friend,

I've always known I was lucky to have you in my life. But now, I really know it.

You've stepped up to help my family, and some of you are doing so without even having met my parents.

You've done it quietly and generously.

You've done it because you value our friendship, because you know I am hurting and mostly because you simply want to help in any way you can.

Unless you've gone through something like this, you don't really and truly know how special this is. I've made cookies, I've donated, I've cooked but I did it without ever really knowing how important it was. And I also think of all the times I could have done something more and didn't. I feel bad for those times now.

I have vowed I will never not act again. I will pay it forward every opportunity I get.

So thankful my sweet friends for all that you have done to help. I am really humbled by you.

Love,

Bree

My Mom

So anyone who knows my Mom knows that she is handful. She is social, out going and opinionated. Sound like anyone you know? I see her in Nik and I all the time.

My whole like I've seen my Mom fight for me. She would do anything for Nik and I.

And now, I am seeing her fight for my Dad.

She has given up everything to care for him. Her job, her free time, her sleep and at times, her sanity.

She rarely sits down, she rarely rests, she rarely eats.

Her world is her husband and making sure he is as comfortable and pain free as possible. For the first time in my 36 years someone other than myself or my sister is her main concern...as it should be.

She is amazing. Simply amazing.

I worry so much about her but she wouldn't have it any other way. God gave her the incredible gift of compassion and care giving. I wonder if it was for this time in her life?

Yesterday my Dad said, "You have an incredible Mother, Bree".

And I do. I really, really do.

2 weeks ago today....

...the world as I know it changed. My dad, in preparation for a neck surgery, had an MRI done and the surgeon called with words like" lung, bone & lesion"

In the fourteen days since our family has been using like "Cancer, radiation, terminal, incurable & hospice"

In the fourteen days since I've cried harder than I ever have in my life. And I don't mean just crying, I mean sobbing...you know, the "ugly" cry...where you are sobbing and than your sister or you choke on the tears and hysterically start laughing because you don't know what else to do.

In the fourteen days since I've seen the core of who my parents are. My entire life they have lived behind this SuperWoman/SuperMan shield and I've sadly realized they are human.

In the fourteen days since I've had to walk down a hallway that has a big sign that reads "Oncology". It still takes my breath away every time I see it.

In the fourteen days since, my Dad uses every opportunity he has to express his love and his hopes for us. He is leaving nothing, absolutely nothing, un-said.

In the fourteen days since I've seen a side to my parents relationship that I never have before. They are more gentle, more loving. My mom leans into my Dad's hospital bed and they whisper to one another. She pats him arm while trying to fight back years.

In the fourteen days since my always close family has circled the wagons.

In the the fourteen says since I have seen the true meaning of "in sickness and in health". My mom is nothing short of amazing...simply amazing.

In the fourteen days since my sister and I have been humbled by the love & support of so many people. People are coming out of the woodwork to offer their help in any way needed. It truly warms the heart.

In the fourteen days since my world has been literally turned upside down. Dad is the last thing I think about when I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. The situation is grim and we are all trying to figure out a way to navigate our new reality.

While I may be 36 years old, a life without my Dad is terrifying.

If you are a prayerful person, please remember my Mom & Dad in your thoughts.

Chloe Grace

We have a new niece!

Congrats Becky, Mike & Ella

Happy 7th Birthday, Coop!

Dear Coop,

Happy 7th Birthday, Buddy.

When I think back over this last year I just smile. You have turned into such a silly, funny and thoughtful young boy. You have an ability to talk like no other person I know.

You tell me all the time how you pray for a baby for Uncle Brian and I. You tell me that since you pray for it, it will happen. It warms my heart every time you bring up the topic, which always seems so random in nature, which makes me love you even more.

Your love for our dogs continues to grow and you love to come to our house and play with them. You coined the phrase, " Sadie AWES-O-M-E!" which is still making me smile.

I love your little high pitched voice and your hugs. I love your "performances" and how your body cannot be stopped when you hear music.

Your relationship with Jack runs very deep, and I can tell you from experience with your Mommy, how important that relationship will be when you are adults.

I love you so much and thank God everyday that you are my nephew.

Love,

Auntie B