We are bringing this year to a close. It was my most profound year...I lost a parent and 5 months later became one myself. It doesn't get more significant than that.

I think of my Dad every day, multiple times a day. I think of his passing often and what an incredible gift that it was to be there, holding his hand, when he took his last breath. It was the single most precious moment of my life.

Sydney James Dew, named in his honor, joined us on October 12, 2011 and filled our hearts. She made me whole and in the single moment of her birth, wiped away that dark cloud that had been hanging over me for the last 3 years. I am overwhelmed with my love for her and for my husband who gave me this precious girl. Neither of them will ever truly understand how deep my love runs.

I know my Dad watches over her and I know he already saved her life once. I very much feel his presence in her.

Our Dew side of the family was also granted their own personal Christmas miracle when my brother- n- law received the gift of LIFE, in the form of a double lung transplant. There are no words to describe the magnitude of this gift and the relief it brought to all, but mostly to Becky and their girls. Our hearts will always be very heavy for the Donor family who lost their loved one right before the Holidays. Such joy from such tragedy will never make sense.

We also said goodbye to our Zachey Poo Dew, the Great Dane who taught me about the love of a rescue dog. His passing coincided with Dad's, so I often think about how I haven't really mourned him. I know it sounds silly but the night I came home in between my Dad's passing and his funeral, I turned a corner in our house and swear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I saw him lying in "his spot" on our couch. It was comforting and freaky all at the same time. I guess I still very much feel him in our lives. We also said goodbye to Lily Dew, a permanent foster, who loved me very much.

2011 will go down in the record books as the year that brought me the greatest joy and the greatest sadness I've ever known. It is a very strange to have such two polar opposite feelings.

I am excited to see what 2012 hold in store for us.

I hope for healing and continued happiness.

May all of you who are reading this find peace & happiness. For those of you reading this who are still longing to become parents ('cause I know there are a few of you) , don't give up hope... it may be ugly, it may be tough, but life can change in an instant. I wish for you the joy I've finally been given.

Welcome 2012!!!

Our Celebration

I am not going to lie, missing Dad was a huge part of this weekend. There were a lot of tears, but there was also a lot of joy, mostly in part to these three beautiful souls:




Our family looks like this now...one is missing, one is new. The Lord works in mysterious ways.



This girl got a lot of attention this year. I am so thankful for her and for the joy she brings to the family.

Here is my best present:

Syd received the most thoughtful gift from Auntie Nik and Uncle Mike. This says, " If you can read, you can do anything"- Grandpa Munger. This was a saying that Dad always said to us our entire lives. It will now hang in Syd's room as a wonderful representation of her Grandpa.

Jack & Coop love our girl and it fills my heart when they ask if they can hold her or when I see them sneak a kiss. Precious!

My Mom worked with Mike to create beautiful bound books for Nik and I that are filled with all of the Caring Bridge entries, the letters that were read at Dad's funeral and some pictures of that day. I will forever treasure this keepsake.

Life sure has changed since last Christmas...in ways that I could never have imagined. I am so thankful for all that we've been blessed with and pray that the coming year brings more healing.

Christmas Card 2011

Merry Christmas from the BDews!

Polar Express 2011

With the loss of Dad, Mom has been told by grief counselors that we need to create new traditions to "mix it up" as we approach a tough holiday. With that in mind, Grandma wants to do a fun new event each year. This year was the Polar Express, next year she is going to rent a suite at Hotel Monaco so we can watch the Parade of Lights from the warmth of a hotel room.

We got up bright and early (hours before Syd's regular wake up call) and heading South to Canon City with the whole family and the Perry's. We boarded the Royal Gorge Train, which had been transformed into the Polar Express. We ate lunch, the kids ran around, Santa visited, and sang carols. The best part was that it had a bar for us adults!

We had a great day that ended with a stop at local winery.

It was a great family day and made me so excited see Syd next year at this time!

2 Months Old

Syd, you are two months old. Quite possibly the fastest two months of my life. I often try to remember life before you, but it's hard. My days and nights are consumed by you. If I am not with you, I am thinking of you. I guess that is what Motherhood is all about.

You smiled for the first time a week ago. I had to work hard for that smile. My face actually hurt from smiling at you! Now, a week later, you smile all the time. You even giggled on Thursday- I thought my heart was going to burst.

You are so beautiful and I get stopped where ever I go by complete strangers telling me how pretty they think you are! It makes me so proud.

We have 3 weeks left together before I have to go back to work. I am sick even thinking about it. I never thought I would be the kind of woman who would be happy staying home, but it turns out I am! It is the right thing to do for our family so I will go...but not without a lot of complaining and dramatics to your Dad!

Syd, we love you so much it hurts. You've got Daddy wrapped around your finger and you bring a calm to him like I've never seen before. You made us whole.

Love

Mommy

Coming Full Circle

Have you ever met a new friend and know it was meant to be? This is how I feel about my dear friend, Lisa Cecchini.

We started working at The Hartford a few weeks apart. We planned weddings together, struggeled with fertility treatments together, struggeled with miscarriages together, lost Fathers together, celebrated healthy pregnancies together, we even attended breastfeeding classes together! Our husbands have even become friends and this week, we celebrated by far the most life changing, full circle moment...on Tuesday Lisa and Corey became parents to this beautiufl boy.

Charlie Cecchini is here! I felt such a sense of relief yesterday once I knew he was here.

Now, our friendship can add becoming Mothers together.

We love you Charlie!

5 Years

5 years ago today I met Brian for the first time. 4 months later he moved in, 3 months after that he proposed and the rest, as they say, is history.

Syd's Tree

One of my favorite days of the year...the purchase of the Christmas Tree! The different kinds, the smells, the jolly worker guys at Home Depot, the cold air, the hard decision of which tree to buy!

This year, it was a tad cold! So cold, the trees were frozen as they were wrapped. So there wasn't an opportunity really see what the tree looked like before buying it. I was ridden with a bit of anxiety over this dilemma. Bri made the final decision, for which he would wear the blame if this darn tree thawed and was a hot mess.

But he picked right. The tree is beautiful. It literally makes me happy to walk into our family room.

The BDews had a great weekend. I got my tree, and Daddy spent all day Sunday with this girl watching football!

Practicing

SJ just practicing her wink and smile!